arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she used to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

(via badbitch2008)

nico-diangelcakes:

nico-diangelcakes:

So i have this giant pencil right

image

I think we all know where this is going.

image

the amount of people saying that they were expecting me to shove it up my ass is alarming

(Source: nicodiangelbabe, via trait)

Reasons to date me: We'd eat pizza and listen to good music together and we'd probably fuck 14 times a week.

awkwardvagina:

a girl i go to university with goes to house parties once everyones drunk and takes toilet paper so she never had to buy her own

(via jraphic)

Reasons to date me: We'd eat pizza and listen to good music together and we'd probably fuck 14 times a week.

escruciate:

i have the tendency to forget how to breathe when im close to beating my highscore

(Source: sweatyboob, via bastille)